Tag Archives: bullying

You Could Have Just 2….



Remember in your youth the phrase “Think before you speak”
was told over and over by the adults around you? It always amazed me how some
adults could speak out both sides of their mouths. At what point did we lose
our willingness to engage our brain before inserting our foot? Was it when we
realized there was no longer a consequence for our remarks or was it when we
learned the first amendment? Regardless of the reason, toying with someone life
in words should have consequences.
Being diagnosed with epilepsy this concept was evident even
to an eleven year old. Listening to doctors ask questions that would leave even
the most hardened adult confused and belittled. No medical reason for the
epilepsy like brain trauma or birth defect questions were asked like “could you
conjure one (a seizure) up for me?” “You could be wearing your ponytail too
tight”, “Are you sure you aren’t just imagining this?”  Twenty-two years of being treated like it was
all in my head until one sentence was uttered, 70 to 80% of all seizures have
no known cause. What? I’m a normal oddity? That one sentence if uttered at any
point 20 years earlier would have changed so much.

Then later in life, after the birth of a beautiful baby boy,
the request for birth control was made. For some reason the myths of women on
neurological medications would either have horrible birth defect consequences or
women on these meds tend to forget to take their birth control ran rampant
through the medical society. The practice of tying tubes or tubligation would
be my only option. I was sterilized because of my mythical inability to
remember to take my birth control.
Adults and physicians were not the only ones to mentally and
emotionally wrestle with, there is another stumbling block that for most of us
would be the last place we would encounter little or no understanding.

From my catechism teachings I don’t remember the heroes and
heroines of the bible being submissive. They were aggressive and empowered, why
should I have been any different?

“You could have just” can be a very powerful statement when
used the right way. The next time you see a child or a woman being abused and
stand by and do nothing. Look into their eyes and see “you could have just held
me or gotten me out; you could have just called someone in my time in need”.

The next time you are fighting over truths and half-truths,
look into their eyes and see “you could have just told me up front I can take
it, you could have just been braver than me this time”.

The next time you pretend to understand a person’s anguish,
step back one minute and take a look and you will see, “you could have just
been there wholly instead of pretending to know, you could have just silently
listened as my world fell apart – opinions were not needed just then”.

So please, if you get anything out of this, finish this
sentence before you change the life of a child, a victim, a friend, a
co-worker, patient, a parishioner, or anyone for that matter.

You could have just…..just what? Think about that the next
time you speak a half truth or your belief, is it better for you or the person
receiving it?


May I have your attention please


re-blog because here is another school/school district doing nothing to protect children from bullies. i hope something is done soon so this young man can get help and this action is stopped.


fireworksNow that I have your attention….

I have written briefly about this in an earlier post. But I felt the need to write just about this one particular problem this time. To support my daughter and to learn from all of our mistakes through my written word.

Rebecca is late….she is never late…

My 9 year daughter has a young man in her class that thrives on getting attention. There are a lot of children and adults that are like this. But this particular young man thrives on stalking my daughter. That is really the only word, besides bullying, that I can think of using for this particular young man, let’s call him “A”.

“A” has been, oh let’s call it, interested in Rebecca since the firt day of school. Now keep in mind we just moved here. She’s the new kid and she is a pretty little girl. Long…

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Ms. Livingston I Applaud You


In the news, Facebook, at water-coolers and coffee breaks across our land, a newswoman’s graceful and poignant stance being discussed. Jennifer Livingston took a very sharp stab at her weight from a viewer and turned it into a positive. I watched Ms. Livingston’s four-minute piece, and for me, the best part of it was when she spoke of parents teaching their children by example. Good or Bad, children watch us adults and learn what is wrong and right according to you. The habits you display are the habits they pick up and cleaning and smoking aren’t the only ones.

October is Anti-Bullying Month, and for those of you in Minnesota, bullying has been center stage for a few years in our state. The old adage “Kids will be Kids” is no longer acceptable and is no longer in our schools and playgrounds. It is not tolerated as adults as we look at the recent incident on the light rail of a man who started yelling racial slurs or the recent road rage incident that unfortunately ended in a shooting in a police parking lot. Child bullies become adult bullies because their parents or adult figure is or was a bully.

Bullied children are verbally abused about their appearance and behavior than color or creed. Thirty-three percent of the middle and high school students surveyed agree or strongly agrees that teachers can stop bullying. This means that 2/3 of these students are not confident that they can get help from their teachers when bullied.

Male bullying more commonly consists of verbal and physical abuse, because female bullying more commonly involves more verbal abuse and social bullying by spreading of rumors. Eighty-three percent of bullying incidents receive no intervention and continue to happen. Children who are bullies four times more likely to engage in criminal behavior in adulthood and often develop suicidal thoughts.

October has two Anti/Awareness Campaigns, one is for Bullying and one is Domestic Violence and I am very aware of the connection between the two. The unlikely intervention because it goes unreported, thinking that a report is useless because a teacher or police officer cannot fix it immediately the first time it happens. How your self-worth becomes lower and lower in your stomach.

It is Anti Bullying Month, notice it is not Bullying Awareness Month, we need to do the same with Violence…….make us anti not aware.

This is Why I Speak


The reason why I speak is because of a 16 month old standing his ground yelling “No My Mommy” almost 21 years ago and children like that are still defending their mommies today.

The reason why I speak is because the taste of toilet water has not changed in over 30 years from middle school swirlys.

I still speak because begging for abuse shelter funding in 1991 is still as frustrating and aggravating as it is in 2011

I still speak because conceiving a child through marital rape and then losing her to the same man’s beating and yet 20 years later Congress won’t pass the Violence Against Women Act.

My voice will not be silenced, our voices will not be quieted, but what will it take for you to understand that nothing has changed?

My voice will not be silenced until you understand, America is no longer Beautiful and a song is no longer enough to teach our children that.

A Change in Policy….. cause and effect?


I am probably going to catcha a lot of flack for this, but unless you have been bullied or raped please think before you comment……

anti bullying bill recently introduced, until this is passed we currently have a 37 word definition of bullying or antibullying one of the worst in the states. i remember when minnesota used to be the best in education, the best in business, the best in medical and science, the best in freedom to do, and now we are ranking in the 40’s at all of these or worse.

Recently the FBI changed its 80 yr old definition of rape (yes i said 80 yr old) from the “carnal knowledge of a female forcibly and against her will” to include genders, objects, orifices, penatration, and without consent

Bullying “kids will be kids”, “we’ve always handled it this way” “suck it up (no pun intended)” – kids also repeat what they see and hear from the adult world remember….. 

A rapist is a bully that never got reprimanded…..


November is Epilepsy Awareness Month


Short Circuit

As an eleven-year old girl, the biggest
worries were getting homework done so I could play and having enough time to
play. In 1977 those worries would change, I was diagnosed with epilepsy.

Does anyone realize what the unknown
does to an eleven year old? When doctors, nurses, mom and dad, cannot put
anything tangible with word epilepsy? That the “big” people could give no real
explanation about why I had a short-circuit in my brain.

In that year, explanations were not
given for children’s’ differences, bullying was an everyday norm because “kids
will be kids” and we had to learn to toughen up. It was bad enough we were all
going through puberty and some of us didn’t get our parts fast enough or our
fuzzies fast enough. Then put a child’s disability, family’s income, religion,
whether they played the cool sport or cool band instrument on top of it?

For a child, friends mean everything, but with each
seizure a friend was lost. For those that think children are resilient or that
children are not tiny bigots, sorry you are wrong. By the time I was thru my
first quarter of sixth grade I had lost every friend I had. I was called
crappie floppy, retard, jerkin’, and freak-a-zoid. This name calling and banishment
was with me through 6th, 7th, and 8th
grades.  Moving up to high school was a
blessing. Two middle schools, mine and another came together at the high school
level. New faces that I could make friends with.

My friends in high school were all
from the other middle school. These kids were not predisposed to the
“freak-a-zoid”. In fact, many of them never found out I had seizures. That
became my biggest worry, who would be the first to find out I had a brain
gremlin. I was not worried about the latest fashions, newest rock groups,
gossip, or staying out late. Keeping my driver’s license and my friends was all
that was important at that time.

My fears would later change to
despair. My driver’s license and my attempt at normalcy were suspended. I had
several seizures and my doctor felt it necessary to take away my driver’s
license. Do you realize you are more likely to be killed or injured by a drunk
driver than an epileptic? Also, it is easier for a DUI driver to get behind the
wheel than an epileptic, epileptics have a conscience.

My freedom taken away, my epilepsy
worsening, I tried to commit suicide. What had happened to me? This invisible
time bomb inside me had gotten to me. It had no face and no outward
description. It disappears as fast as it comes. Without warning it rears its
ugly head as I fall into strangled blackness. When I awake to panicked faces
and yelling voices, a thick, gray fog blankets my brain. My body feels like
lead and I just want to sleep.

Every parent tells their child not to
be afraid of the monsters in the dark. I would have given anything for that
simple fear. Instead, I was in a continual wrestling match with the gargoyle in
my brain.

I made it through my suicide attempt
with the love and support of my family and friends. Most said my problems
weren’t big enough. Maybe they weren’t but then….

The medications used to control
seizures can be just as scary to a child. I think that doctors take only the
“common” side effects into consideration when they should realize that all side
effects are common and the reactions are not in your head.

One of the first anticonvulsants
drugs I was on turned me from a happy-go-lucky preteen into a temper tantrum
throwing, back talking, and almost evil little girl. My mother cried her heart
breaking as she told the doctor of the darkness in my eyes.

There are also the physical effects
they tell you about. A teen shouldn’t have to worry about liver or kidney
damage because of the medication. A teen should also not have to worry about
hair loss, severe weight gain, or facial hair. Come on, adolescence is tough

All I wanted to be concerned with
was dating, dances and dresses like any other girl. Instead of dreams of
parties and football games, I had nightmares of gremlins and gargoyles dancing
on my brain. But little did I know my brain gremlin was but a little pest
compared to the real monster I was about to conquer.

bullying, invisible disability, or domestic violence…… conquering one or all can be traumatic